I haven't posted anything new in a while, I know. But that is because I have been busy working on my new website Word2Lyfe.com! I am so excited about this new project. Its still in development, meaning new features and content are being added regularly. I'm really excited about this new project and I hope you will check it out and be apart of it as well...thanks! (smile)
It was brought to my attention (by a very close friend, one whom I love dearly and whose opinion I carefully consider when they express something to me....the good and the bad...)although my blog is a great outlet for me and a great practice ground for my writing etc that perhaps I am sending the wrong message and doing more damage than good...
In a real heart to heart convo with this friend, we discussed the difficulties of being a Christian and trying to live right, messing up...or having messed up rather, along the way, and getting it right etc. and the question came up, at what extent is sharing what I go through, what I've done, what I've faced, just too much? In other words how REAL is too REAL (in the Christian or spiritual sense)??
They brought up the fact that while me putting myself in a vulnerable position to be sharing these things with the world is a great help and encouragement for others who face the same challenges....what about those who are new in their faith or who are skeptical of FAITH, particularly the CHRISTIAN faith all together?? What message am I sending to them? How does it look that someone calling themselves a "youth pastor" minister or what have you, is blogging about the sin that she has committed, isn't this hypocritical? Counter productive? Does it feed into the already negative and skeptical stereotypes and ideas about so called "preachers and Christians"? Does it send the message that its okay to talk the talk and not walk the walk....that doing your dirt (whatever it may be) is justified b/c God is forgiving and loving, so its okay, i can do what i want and he will forgive me? Does it take away from my credibility and witness as a Woman of God?? If she can't even do right, how or why am i supposed to??
When I began this blog, I did consider these very valid points...and I felt that I was not sending any of those messages and that in being open and candid that I would be helping and not hurting...but now, I'm not so sure.... I greatly appreciate the dialogue between this friend and I, it was a very valid discussion and needed to be had. So, here I am at the point where I'm reconsidering how much is too much....where do I draw the line....should there be a line??
I'm really torn inside because Lord knows, I do not want to confuse anyone, I do not want to discredit Christ, my faith, myself, etc. I do not want to do any harm in any way. And if there is a chance that by me being open and honest that the effects will be negative, then by all means, I will stop, because its not about me anyway. BUT at the same time, this is my outlet, writing is how I express myself, I want and desire to be honest, to be real, to talk about and say what others won't about what I go through and what all walking this walk and being a "person of the cloth" really entails. This is my life, my real life, my journey, no, i cannot sit here and say, I have done everything right, that I haven't made some dumb choices, that I haven't been stubborn or disobedient...HOWEVER, I can most definitely say, that I am getting better every day, getting wiser everyday, becoming more obedient everyday, learning to turn away from the things that tempt me and are not pleasing to God everyday...I'm growing in His will...I am not justifying my sin or yours...It is NOT okay to live how you want and do what you want and expect God to be okay with that or to think you have a free pass because you are a Christian, most certainly not. I do NOT condone a lifestyle of sin or recklessness. But I am 100% for turning things around, no one has to continue on living they way they been living, if you were sinning as a lifestyle, make a choice, you don't have to. If you're life is full of foolishness and you are the cause or at the center of it, cut it out, the choice is yours...This is MY personal journey of how I am currently doing all of that, of me, making some changes and adjustments...some better CHOICES spiritually for the sake of myself and more importantly, those around me, those I will touch and affect, those connected to me spiritually, those looking up to me, looking at me, watching me, depending on me to guide them and encourage them, and even those waiting for me to fall and who enjoy to see me mess up....I'm making better choices in my own life even for them! It can be done....and it will as long as I have the power to choose....
I don't know...what do you all think, am I wrong, how much is too much?
When it comes to being "ourselves" we must keep in mind that "who we are" is always evolving as we grow, learn, mature, and develop. This process doesn't stop until we hit the dirt. Of course their are a few things, qualities, traits, values, that remain constant even over time and the essence of our being I think will always be the same.
Have you ever said or heard someone else say, "well that's just me, that's just the way I am, deal with it!" I can't stand when people say that, don't use WHO you are as an excuse to be the WAY you are! Being who you are does not automatically excuse your actions, attitudes, or behaviors, and just because that's the way that you currently are does not mean you can't improve or work on certain areas! Changing your attitudes and sometimes behaviors doesn't mean you are changing who you are or that you are not being "yourself" just because you improve or work on something, we get so afraid of "not being ourselves" that we sometimes limit our own opportunities for growth, we get stuck in the comforts of our personalities, set in our ways....be it right or wrong, its "ours".
Now, I'm not saying try to be something or someone you are not, not at all, I'm not saying don't be yourself, I'm just saying don't limit yourself to what you are or only what you can see right now, because who you are today has a lot of growing to do before we become who we will be
tomorrow! (Smile)
This post was inspired by a recent post of a fellow blogger, although his blog was (i think) speaking to something a little different, just something he said reminded me or made me think about this topic, so not to refute his post or thoughts or anything like that, these are just my separate thoughts etc on the subject of Comfort Zones and what they mean....and I greatly appreciate his continued support and encouragement and am obviously inspired by his ideas and thoughts. I don't really know how to make links etc yet, but check out his blog at minusthebars.blogspot.com I will come back and edit this and fix it once I learn how to add the link to the specific post etc....
Do you ever feel like your life gets drowned out by the drama in the lives of those around you? Like the things you are experiencing or going through become less significant in the shadow of the things going on with your family or friends? Do you like me, ever feel nearly embarrassed to even dare bring up your minuscule little issues to discuss because the person with whom you are talking to has such colossal situations of their own to share, it would seem like a slap in the face to bring up your seemingly small problems?
You know that saying it can always be worse, well that remains true, it can always be worse, but its not always worse...it is what it is, no matter how large or how small, you matter, I matter, our issues, our problems, our joys, or pains, no matter how seemingly insignificant compared to others all still matter. Let us not continue to compare ourselves or our lives to those of others, we are not others, we are us!! So stop drowning and swim!!! Breast stroke, back stroke, dive in to conversations, don't be drowned out by the drama of others, you matter too, speak up, be heard, what you have to say is just as important, who knows, what you share may help or bless them just as much as they help or bless you, or may shed some positive light on their gloomy drama. Just don't allow yourself to always, always, always get pushed to the back burner of the conversation. If they are truly your friends or people who care about you, they will be interested to hear what you have to say as well. Sometimes we just need to politely interject and make our presence known in the conversation. (smile)
One thing that drives me crazy are people without backbones. I cannot stand to see someone act as a coward. There is a fairly new person at work, they are very nice and all and very much the type of person I wouldn't mind being friends with or hanging out with outside of work, but this person does not stand up for themselves, doesn't speak up when she knows or thinks something is wrong, and goes along with whatever anyone tells her....that's not cool. Stand up for yourself, have some courage, some dignity. Don't follow behind someone else, especially when you know its wrong or that person does not have your best interests in mind. Don't be afraid to stand up, or speak up, its okay to have your own opinion, your own beliefs, your own style. God created you to be YOU....not her, not him, not them...but uniquely YOU! Don't ever get to the point where you are not living as yourself, or are afraid to be who you are! Take heart, have courage, be brave...people respect those with courage, no one is talking about being aggressive, that's not always the best route, but being assertive, proactive, not just letting things happen, letting people use you or walk over you, but being a person who causes change, who makes things happen, who speaks up when its appropriate....who knows when to be firm and stand their ground and who is yet humble enough to know when to back down. God gave us backbones for a reason, I suppose that reason is to stand up straight, to provide us with needed support, and to align us correctly....Just a thought
So my nearest and dearest cousin just started blogging! I'm very excited because she always has something great to say and she keeps it real as well. A very sincere and down to earth woman, Who shares my zero tolerance policy for ignorance!!! (smile) So please check her out and support her! (you can click on the title of this post to go directly to her blog, or copy and paste the address below, or look to the right under my blogs section to find her)
So I told you all previously how I was in and out of consciousness... I could have sworn I heard my Muslim mom and her friend doing Gospel Karaoke in the office, which is right down the hall from my room.... Microphones and all, but i figured its the drugs talking, and went back to sleep.... Later only to find out that indeed my Muslim mom was in fact doing gospel karaoke and not only that went to church this Sunday! That's great.... (smile) and no I do not preach to her, I do not push my beliefs on her, or anything, I just live....and I pray. Witnessing to someone is not always us standing in front of Walmart with pamphlets, its your life... your life should tell the story, not always your mouth! I'll keep you posted on any new developments...
So, over the last week or so I have been in tremendous pain, thinking I had an abscess, I went to the dentist to see what could be done. The dentist informs me that its probably an impacted wisdom tooth...one tooth causing all of this pain, and suggests before doing anything else I get it removed. This was Thursday evening, Friday was a very busy day at work so I didn't get any time to call to make the appointment, meanwhile, the pain is becoming increasingly worse....I can no longer sleep, I have tried Ibuprofen 800mg, and Oxycodone, neither of which work for the pain, but they do a great job of disorienting me and cause me to fall asleep while driving to work... that and the lack of sleep...anyway, I continue to push past the pain, because I am in the middle of training a new employee at work and proving something to myself....
By Sunday I was in the worst pain one could imagine yet I have not called out sick or anything, I sucked it up and did what I had to do, come Monday morning, I literally passed out twice, was vomiting, had a fever and chills and was crying uncontrollable, oh don't let me forget the head spinning, (no no exorcist style, i mean i was very dizzy). I woke up once on the bathroom floor and a second time in the hallway floor...and instead of helping me my mother (God bless her gentle soul...) comes out yelling at me, "What are you doing down there?!?! Get up!! Why didn't you just go lay down in your room?" Umm...probably because i never made it to my room, thanks mom... I'm fine by the way, you probably saved my life with all the yelling and all, I may have never woke up from my comma...so thanks!
I called made an emergency appt and had all my wisdom teeth removed that very day, I am feeling a lot better, a little soreness on the right side but this is nothing compared to how I was feeling before the surgery!
Anyway, I am kind of proud of myself, when in severe pain (whether physical or spiritual or emotional) we find out what we are really made of, or should I say what we are really made of is put to the test... I have a very low tolerance for pain, I will call out of work for a headache don't play with me! But this time I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, that I could push past what I was facing and make it... And I did just that, I pushed past the pain and the sleepless nights and I kept going, I kept showing up, I kept doing my job, I kept a smile on my face. And in the process I discovered a strength in myself that I knew was possible, but wasn't quite sure was there because I never put it into practice....or at least I hadn't in a long time.... and although I was suffering all that time, it feels great in the end. I feel like its just another thing that was added to my character. If that makes any sense. Oh well if it doesn't, it makes perfect sense to me!
Okay, so if you've read my previous post about being "Clean and Sober" then you know by now that I have graduated to my 7th month on my journey to Sobriety (I am not an alcoholic, I don't even drink at all and no I have never experimented with drugs).....My journey to sobriety is just all about me cleaning up my life and my act, getting and keeping my mind right, growing spiritually etc....
With that having been said.....
Okay, somebody please tell me, do I have a sticker on my forehead or back indicating my self induced plight... or can men just somehow "sense" it?!?! By no means am I walking around advertising ANYTHING. I always try to carry myself well, with confidence, dignity, and respect etc as any young woman SHOULD. However, it seems as though as the days, weeks, and months go on, I have been getting the most unusual types of attention and propositions....yes folks, propositions...we have some bold Americans....and Africans out here...
Not unusual in the sense that I don't get attention, of course I get attention, I'm a fairly attractive (being modest) young woman with my head on straight, no drama, no baggage etc... but the attention as of late (past 7months) has been seemingly a lot more "sexual" in nature....If that ain't the devil I don't know what is?! I'm tryna do right y'all but the tests and temptations keep coming from every angle.
But back to my original pondering...can they sense it?? Is it my bodies fault?? Am I unknowingly sending out double doses of pheromones??? Bloodhounds I tell you!
All jokes aside, its tough, not that tough, I mean I have never been out there like that to begin with, and don't consider it a favorite past time to participate in a lot of "extracurricular activities". But I am coming out of a nearly 5 year relationship, so take from that what you will.
Hey I just read that strippers who are ovulating make more money, it was in an article published by Science Magazine. So see, there must be some truth to my theory afterall?? I dunno, what do you think? (I will try to find the article and post it or its whereabouts) LOL
Strippers make more money when ovulating article
Sorry, I know this may be a bit much for those who think I am a Super-Christian...but I told you all in the disclaimer..parts 1 and 2 (see older posts) that if I'm going to do this blogging thing or anytime i write, I have to be real, I have to express whats in my heart, because, that's just how I am, I'm taking a risk by putting my life....my real life out here like this, but I'm taking it because I think its important. Its important for people to see and know that I am a real person too, I haven't been saved all my life, I wasn't born a youth pastor, and although I am both now, this is still me growing... we grow up into who we are meant to be, we are not born automatically fitting the mold of our destiny. We have to be stretched, shaped, remolded, cut, etc until we transform into the completed project.... I will always be clay in HIS hands....
We make the mistake a lot of times on both ends by firstly acting as though we have "arrived" or are too righteous to be real. And on the other end by placing people on pedestals or judging them based on a title or position they hold, overlooking the fact that they are people too or tryna play them like they've can't relate to you because of where they are now, but we all have a starting point. And we are all growing. We all mess up... some make bigger messes than others....but u get me.
I don't use my humanity as an excuse, I make choices, just like everyone else, some bad and others good. I don't make excuses for myself at all and I accept responsibility for myself. And I'm always striving to be better and make better choices and be an example and a light.
So, I apologize if you are offended or think I'm in any way a hypocrite etc. but I make no apologies to man for growing in my salvation and spiritual walk and bumping my head along the way. If i never messed up how would i be effective in ministry? If i can't relate to or provide hope for those that are still messing up?
I was just sitting here thinking about all the times in the past (in school, relationships, friendships, money issues, family issues etc..) where at the time it seemed as if there was no way out, no solution, no end in sight, the feeling of doom and despair in those particular situations, not knowing how I was gonna go on....
I'm smiling now y'all, the Lord reminded me of those times and instances for a reason. Reminding me that the storms in fact do pass. Don't trip or get discouraged J....
Just a lil note to myself....(smile)
With the crackhead invasion on the rise....at least in my life. It has me wondering, what makes a crackhead? I mean we all know that addicts keep going back because....well because they are addicted, they cannot help it or control it, addiction is a sickness and a disease, I get that. But I'm wondering what is the mindset of the person before they take that first hit, or first sip, or tie that band off around their arm for the first time? What is the state of their life or mind, what has happened to lead them to this pivotal moment that will ultimately change the course of their lives?
Knowing all that you and I know about drugs and addiction and the consequences of such, what if anything would or could push you to that point where you are standing at the edge of the cliff of your life.......and decide to jump off?
The world is truly coming to an end. What kind of world is it that we live in when a hard working young woman, who has long since been out of the 'hood, can get her AF-1's and her mattress stolen from her own house??!!
Let me explain...well somewhat, the details are still somewhat fuzzy to me as well....
Yes, my sneakers were stolen from my home....mind you I have somewhat of a shoe fetish, all kinds of shoes, I just love shoes...and I have lots of shoes, but of all the shoes I own only my BEST and FAVORITE pairs went missing! (I'm taking this as a personal attack!) A couple of months prior to the missing shoes, my mattress was "given" away, because someone in my household "could have sworn I said I no longer wanted it?!" After a little investigating, it was uncovered by yours truly, that apparently a member of my household had some 'not so upstanding' friends who unbeknownst to him were criminals i guess and they took certain "liberties" in our home and with our property to include household vehicles..... So that's crack incident number one...
Then today I find out that a close relative of mine is a crackhead (literally) and has basically smoked/shot up everything that he owned....houses, vehicles, job, and most importantly his family. All lost.... Another family member, closely related to this one, is on the verge of doing some hard time for drug related charges....I'm talking scales, baggies, the whole nine....oh wait, did I mention this second family member is only a teenager???!!
Needless to say, I have a lot going on in my life right now...I keep those that I love that are having difficulties in prayer and I am grateful for my life and everything that the Lord continues to bless me with...including my right mind...
Okay.....so when can it actually be considered stalking?? Have you ever been stalked? I don't think I have ever "seriously" been stalked although I have run into a few incidents where an individual was somewhat obsessed with me...and would not take no for an answer in their attempts to pursue me.... not a fun feeling, albeit flattering at first, its not funny after a while.
What do you do when a person starts exhibiting unusual behaviors all of a sudden? At what point does the red flag go up and you leave? Do you stay and try to figure out what's going on or just shrug it off as some sort of passing phase? I don't know the answers, but I do watch a lot of tv and crime shows....have you ever seen that show SNAPPED! Where a cute little couple from middle of nowhere suburbia are living their lives doing just fine until one partner starts acting up and before you know it BAM they don' SNAPPED and went off and killed the other on some wild obsessive tip....
Maybe I watch too much tv?
"It's not their abilities that make them heroes, its the choices they make;
because in every hero, their could be a villian. Choose a side."
As catchy as they may be....
I'd like to thank those, who have over the years and generations, so selflessly decided to MAN-UP on someone else's behalf (in a lot of cases not all) to take care of and raise children who are not your own. I too was raised by grandparents, aunts, etc. all at one point in time, as well as my parents.
A couple of months ago I was out with a close friend, who I ran into at the grocery store. She and I walked the aisles and talked, catching up on the latest happenings in our lives since we last spoke. I could tell something was wrong, she looked so stressed out and tired, just beat down. I asked what was going on with her and she just gave me this desperate look, "J I don't know what to do, I'm so tired! I'm tired of trying to be everything for everybody, I am doing fine taking care of my child but I cannot afford to take care of someone else kids too, but at the same time that's my family what else can I do?"
My friend who is barely 21-22 years old herself, with a 2year old son, is now charged with the responsibility of raising her teenage sibling on her own. Its tough to see, and I can imagine even tougher to do.
However, it seems like there is a growing trend now, with parents who had children when they were really young, now deciding that they want to go back in time and recapture the childhood that they missed out on or lost. Not saying that this is the case with my friends' parents. I see this situation a lot with some of the children I work with, these kids are basically raising themselves or being raised by family members while the parents choose men/women, drugs, their career, friends and partying etc over their kids....and in turn the kids act out and end up here with me, in juvenile detention. Like i said this is not always the case, this just happens to be on my mind today.
My heart just goes out to my friend and I pray the best for her. She is very responsible and courageous for taking on the challenge she has taken on. And honestly, I can't blame or fault her, b/c I would do the same thing in a minute probably. I'm glad someone stepped in and did it for me!
Being broke sucks!!!!!! It's tough all around right now I hear. Everybodies pocketbook is in a recession, including mine. How is it that my check is spent before I even get it! And I don't even have the luxury to say that it was spent or allocated to anything fun and/or frivolous, just bills alone ate it up. I have to rob Peter to pay Paul... and it turns into an endless cycle of trying to play catch up. Its like on the cartoons where one leak springs up so you try to go plug it up, then as you plug it up another leak springs up across the room, and u try to plug that one up without unplugging the first one, then a third springs up and next thing you know you are spread out and stretched thin trying to plug up all these leaky holes in your life!
Real talk though.... Is it just me, but sometimes I feel as though I'm being punished for doing well. I feel like I'm being punished for getting a college education, because now after the undergrad degree is complete, i will be in debt for the next 10+ years of my life trying to pay for my education. Then as a single young adult, living in a major metropolitan area, where everything is way too expensive and the cost of living is high, its nearly impossible to find or afford good housing at a decent rate as a single! I feel like I'm being punished for not being a baby momma with a bunch of kids on my hip, (no offense) because I know a lot of baby mommas, and for the most part they seem to be doing pretty well (compared to me!) I tried to inquire about low income housing, just out of curiosity, i wanted to know what the requirements were. And clearly i was told that i was overqualified, because i made too much money and didn't have any kids. Only in America!!!
I'm overqualified for low income and under qualified to survive..... Can't win for losing it seems....
They say "its hard out here for a pimp..." Well, its even harder for a college educated, single, hard working woman....Maybe I should look into a career change? LOL just kidding.
Why do we take them back?
Why do we cut them so much slack?
We talk all that smack, make them pack...
Only just to take them back.
We overlook the way they act, all reason, and obvious facts...
Taking them back...and back...and back.
Is it because of the esteem and confidence we lack?
We are worth more--didn't anyone ever teach us that?
Maybe if we believed it we wouldn't feel as though we needed them back.
Even when we don't want them back...
They find their way back...
Because we let them back...
So instead of moving forward, we're moving back.
Until this endless circle to us becomes whack...and something within us finally cracks...
Hopefully we'll come to our senses before our lives end and we fade to black.
Grrrhhh!! (that is my frustrated grunt/grumble) So, I am...well used to be a great writer, one of my very few above average skills... but I'm afraid that since I have been out of college, my skills in just about every academic field have been diminishing! I started blogging as therapy and to get myself back in to the groove of writing...but so far....no groove. It is extremely frustrating, I wouldn't call it writers block, its just I don't really know what to write about? For instance I have a college buddy who writes an excellent and entertaining blog about fatherhood and family (check him out http://papitosway.blogspot.com); other friends and associates who write about culture, beauty, entertainment, none of which I am an expert on. But me, well, I'm just me, I have no kids, or husband, not much excitement at work, at least not consistently. There are just me and my thoughts left. I have noticed that I am a bit scatterbrained. Meaning, that I think about so many things, randomly or loosely associated with the previous or next thing that its hard to focus or hone in on just one thing or group of things in particular. Therein lies my dilemma! I have talked myself out of giving up, I will keep at it and keep trying....Rome wasn't built in a day...(I think that's how the saying goes...whatever) I will practice and exercise what I know is in me until greatness is achieved! (That is an original quote thank you all very much!)
Okay, so lately I have been kinda sorta getting into trouble at work....well, not trouble, but I have had a few sit-downs with the "higher-ups" concerning my "attitude" and manner in which I speak to people....................... NO I am not an ABW (Angry Black Woman) and in my defense, the main "person" doing the complaining has a very rude and condescending way of dealing with his subordinates....most people around here don't have the balls, excuse my language to address the issue with this person and my aforementioned attitude is purely in response to and is a mere reflex stemming from this mans condescension. It started out as jokes. But all of a sudden he's in his feelings, I guess he's tired of looking like a punk in front of his managerial buddies and getting joked about it...whatever.
The other day he expresses his concerns and thinks that I am flipit? And that my tone needs to be rethought before I speak etc etc... and I objected to all of his accusations and became rather defensive during our conversation.......but after it was over, I realized he was kind of right!! I have noticed that I have been on edge lately. And I'm pretty sure I know why..... for those of you who know me personally or speak to me regularly, you know that I have been "clean and sober" for nearly 7 months now. No, I have never done drugs and I am not a recovering alcoholic. Nor am I recovering from an addiction.... its just everyone has their "vice" and when I say I'm clean and sober, I'm referring to my vice(s) that I have given up or am trying to for the betterment and advancement of myself spiritually, emotionally and all the other words ending in -lly!
Anyway, I think I am experiencing some "withdrawal" symptoms, irritability being the main one. Now that I have actually noticed and recognized this fact, I must control it and or eliminate it. I can live without this vice for sure and not be a bitter young woman in the process. I'm good! So I ended up apologizing to the manager at work admitting my faults etc and vowing to try harder to control my temper/tone/attitude etc. even if he does not, because ultimately no matter what is going on in my personal life and no matter how someone else is behaving towards me be it right or wrong, I am responsible for how I react and how I treat them in turn. If I call myself trying to live as or be a good Christian example etc then I need to act and behave accordingly even in my attitude and dealing with people....yes, even the rude and unruly ones!! Its hard y'all, hard controlling this 'tude and hard letting go of this vice and being "clean and sober" LOL (Lord, help me control my attitude, my tone, my facial expressions, my mouth, and in my "sobriety"!)
What I mean by "clean and sober" ...
Clean = characterized by a fresh, wholesome quality; morally pure; innocent; upright; honorable; inoffensive in language or content; without obscenity; unsullied, chaste, virtuous
Sober = free from excess; habitually temperate; showing self-control; sane or rational; abstinent; reasonable, sound; self-restraint; dignified; not wild, visionary, or heated with passion; exercising cool, dispassionate reason;
Who does that? Who just sits in their car staring at space, no thing I have that's actually mine, as much of an expensive headache it can be...its sometimes the only privacy I get that I can control. I go out there get inside sit down and just recline and stare up into the sky, sometimes I watch the sunset, sometimes I people watch, or I may go down to the water and stare out at the water. Its my momentary solace. I think, I pray, I cry, I laugh, but mostly I pray and think, sometimes I write, like now. Just clearing my head....
Okay, maybe it's just me.... But I am really big on the manner in which people talk to me. Now, Lord knows He has brought me a LOOOOOOOONG way...and those of you who have known me long enough know this to be true! But every now and then I get flashbacks...brought on by ignorant people.
So at work, I am currently cross-training, learning a lot of new things. Now, I'm a pretty quick study, I learn fast and I ask questions when I don't understand etc. the problem I am having is with people who know you are training, who know this is not your usual position, but decide they want to be impatient or that they want to talk to you out the side of their mouth, like they don't have any sense.
If you know me, you also know that I have a very slick tongue and I don't have a problem standing up for myself and I am not a respecter of persons' I'm an equal opportunity smart *mouth* with that being said... I'm at work trying my best to learn this job and be effiecient and meet the needs of the people in a timely fashion etc.... I'm curteous, polite, patient etc... I try really hard to maintain even after the first couple of people aggrovate me, and as time goes on I am fairly certain now that (in my paranoid mind) that these crazies are out to provoke me... I almost lost the victory over my mouth by getting into a war of wits with a coworker...a manager at that. But I had to regroup because it was going to far.
I'm saying all this to say that even I, with my 'bad self', had to learn at some point to not be so quick to speak or outwit or snap back at others. These people who were talking to me crazy don't know me, they don't know what my background is, or what i'm capable of. They don't know what it would take to set me off and have me go postal on the whole place. And none of us really know about the next person or what they are going through. Do we really know or consider how the next set of words out of our mouths can be all it takes to set that person over the edge!
For most of us, its not that serious, we may be having a bad day, things are not great at home, bills do, baby need shoes, PMS whatever....so at most if someone crosses us, they will get an ultimate tongue lashing, with the works. For others like myself, they will get ignored or looked at like they are stupid or the 'consider this a warning' look. HOWEVER...there are those who are a lot more unstable than the rest of us. Who take it to the next level when crossed, for example, coming up to the job or the church with guns or bombs and such....all because you took their stapler off the desk....
So before you decide to unleash your wrath or be rude to the next guy/gal just consider your options first, chose your words and your tone carefully, try some patience, it goes a long way....and hey even a smile, it can turn that persons day around. Just a thought!
So, I recently made my blog public, I mean it has always been 'public' but I was blogging kind of annoymously, no one who knows me knew I had a blog, just the strangers out in blog-land. I prefered it that way for a while because I enjoyed the freedom of it, being able to be 100%, not that I am not always genuine. But, I could share whatever I wanted and really put myself out there...the good, the bad, the ugly, without fear or inhibition you know? Besides, this was more therapy for me than anything else.
However, I realize that I can still be candid and share myself, my life, my world, with those who know me...or think they do (smile). I can't live in fear of what others think of me, thats never really been my style, so why start now right? I just don't want to offend or hurt anyone through sharing my honest thoughts, feelings, and opinions. And if it happens to be you, the person who will eventually take something I've shared or wrote about personally, then I apologize ahead of time....not for how I feel, but for whatever negative impact it had on you.
I know I posted a disclaimer before, (if you have not read it, please do before you get your panties in a bunch over anything expressed in my blog). The main point(s) of the disclaimer are just to say that yes I am a Christian, yes I am even a "Minister", and NO I don't do everything right, NO I don't have life all figured out, YES I do still bump my head and fall on my butt....A LOT. I make some dumb choices...(I won't call them mistakes, because are choices are very rarely if ever accidental....) I get discouraged, I get tired, I have a long way to go...salvation, our spiritual walk etc it is all a process and we won't get it all right over night. I make no excuses for myself. I take responsibility for ME. I'm just grateful and I thank God for Christ who sees us not where we are but where we will be, where He is taking us...the end result. I'm glad He mets us where we are and yet still bids us to come higher in Him.
So what you will find/read here within my blog, is me, my life...the stuff I face, the stuff I struggle with. And bear with me, it is not easy to put myself out here like this. Its never easy being naked and bear....uncovered.
But don't worry its not all serious and deep all the time...LOL a lot of foolishness will be included as well, a lot of randomness...and if there is anything you want to know or want me to write about, ask about etc. just contact me and let me know.
Newsweek- Once taboo, pregnant teenagers are popping up more frequently on TV, in movies and on magazine covers. The problem? This latest pop-culture coverage doesn't show what comes before or after.
JERUSALEM - An Israeli newspaper's decision to publish a handwritten prayer left by Barack Obama in the cracks of Jerusalem's Western Wall drew criticism Friday as an invasion of his privacy and his relationship with God.
In the note, placed at Judaism's holiest site Thursday, Obama asks God to guide him and guard his family.
"Lord — Protect my family and me. Forgive me my sins, and help me guard against pride and despair. Give me the wisdom to do what is right and just. And make me an instrument of your will," reads the note published in Maariv.
I found this while browsing online: its called "The Black America Study"
What is the Black America Study?
Black America Today provides a fresh look at more than 30 million African-Americans -
based on the most detailed snapshot ever of African American life. Finding strong group identity around culture and traditions, the study sheds light on and shatters myths about who we are as a community.
Check it out, tell me what you think of the study and its findings....(click on the title to get to the site)
You know often times people say or complain of things "not working". The "things" can be whatever you want them to be, prayer, workout/diet, relationship/marriage etc you name it. However, people seem a bit taken back when I then ask them, "Well, what have you done to make it work?" In order for things in our life to work, it requires work, effort, and commitment on our part as well in order to ensure or to make sure that things "work" for us or with us. Not that we can control every aspect or every situation, but I'm sure we've all heard the saying, "If we take one step God will take the rest". Well its just like that, we have this notion that God does all the work FOR us. Not realizing that we are expected to do our part as well. If you keep doing the same things that are NOT working, you're going to end up with the same results! So, don't say its not working if you haven't done anything to work it!
Don't try to sell me your empty box! I know you--you a very skilled and crafty con-man...You go around selling empty boxes pushing them on every corner at every turn, on the train, the bus, the t.v. screen, you and your empty boxes. I'm on to you, sir, you see I know the truth about you and your boxes... Ladies and gentlemen don't be fooled, by his fancy suit and big city talk! Don't buy into his false advertisement! You...yes you...come here, let me tell you how this slickster operates... You see he takes these lovely perfect little boxes, big boxes, boxes of all sizes, shoe boxes, hat boxes, boxes of all kinds. Then, he stuffs them with empty promises, broken dreams, and false hope, dresses them up real pretty, with nice wrappings, bows, and ribbons, bells and whistles, slaps on a price tag and sets his eyes on the nearest target! Ah ha, you see, look there...he's got one, he uses fancy words and twists the truth, a handsome devil he is, just as a salesman should be, he looks trustworthy, but don't be fooled! For the life of me, I can never understand it, why doesn't anyone ever ask to see what's inside the box? Why don't you check the contents of the box? Don't be silly, don't be decieved by only reading the label, just because the outside of the box is nice doesn't mean that what's in the box is right for you!
You see for some the empty box they bought could have been an addiction that they thought would numb or take away their pain, a failed relationship that looked promising and everlasting, a dream or idea that ended up being more of a nightmare, a secret, depression, loneliness, a bad doctors report....we've all bought or have been given our fair share of empty boxes...
What price will you pay for an empty box?
Sometimes I get lost in your words....I mean, you say so much, so many, many words. What was that you said? Sorry I missed it, I got caught up on your last few words....wait, go back, slow down, stop....can I respond, can I get a word in edgewise? Would it matter? Would you even hear me or listen? Or would you be too busy forming or thinking of your next set of words to hear MY words? I can't understand, all of your words just jumble together now, they stick together, I can recite them, your words. Over and over again your words, I am stuck here....Lost in your words.
How can I live around love, tiptoeing around it, so as not to disturb it
or acknowledge its very existence, when its so obviously their in the
midst?
Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!
Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes
I have been very busy this week, however i have the weekend off and plan to add and update the blog, so stay tuned there will be more added shortly! If you're reading this, thanks for stopping by, come by any time, and by all means leave a comment! (smile)
3/1/08
I played this cd for the first time on my way to work this morning, the
song, How it Used to Be, is basically how I feel these days, well the
whole thing reflects a lot of what I feel, but that one really just
takes the words right out of my mouth.
Goodnight Lord,
Help my heart, help me to deny my flesh, and to not get so caught up in my feelings all the time, not to be so sensitive. I mean, i thank you for creating me to be sensitive, not everyone has the ability to be and it helps me feel what others are feeling and to empathize with them and to be more effective in my prayer life, but help me to find a balance, help me to not be overly sensitive, not to wear my heart on my sleeve. Help me find a balance between sensitive and firm. Thank you for every opportunity today, forgive me of my sins please, and restore me, refresh me, and keep me...thank you, amen.
Lord, I thank you and I praise your name, I thank you for being the Prince of Peace in my life, I thank you for your peace that transcends (surpasses) all understanding. I thank you for how your peace stands guard over my heart and mind. I thank you for leaving your peace with me in the midst of trouble, I thank you that you are not like man, and do not give as the world gives, your peace is true, real, and lasting, not temporary like any piece of peace this world has to offer...Thank you Lord, you alone are worthy of the glory, honor, and praise... thank you, amen.
You are my Peace -Juanita Bynum
Good morning Lord. Thank you so very much for another day, another morning, another opportunity to get it right with you, another chance to impact someones life, another go at destiny and fulfilling purpose, to give ur name glory and praise. Lord have your way in me today, move by your Spirit, led me and guide me, in my words, my thoughts, my attitudes, my feelings, my actions, everything, help me to display You today. Let me be a productive christian today. I pray peace in my mind and heart, I pray strength and energy, I pray wisdom and knowledge, I pray truth and sincerity, I pray favor, grace, mercy, safety, wellbeing health.... and to cover all of these love, not the love of man, but your love Lord, I ask for your forgiveness, I'm sorry for any sin I have committed against you, I'm sorry for allowing myself to become so distracted so easily, and to lose focus on what is really important....you! Help me to not focus on my situation so much, give me peace in the midst of this circumstance, help me to realize and remember I will be and am okay whether things work out or not, I'm yours and will always and forever be yours, even if no one elses, yours... in Christ Jesus name I pray....amen!
Being an only child....only adult whatever, sucked growing up and is still sucking to this day! Do you realize I will never be an aunt?? Or that if/when my parents die, I'm left with no one?! That's incredibly
sad and lonely! Maybe my only childness is the root of a lot of my issues.... I watch people in my life (friends family members etc) interact with their siblings and I am so fascinated by this world/part of life I will never know, it makes me wonder how does it feel to be a sister? To have a brother? To share your childhood and ur genes and ur parents with someone who came from the same womb as u? Crazy....I'm so interested. I wish still to this day although I am a rational young lady, with full mental capacity, still wish I had a twin or just a sibling in close enough age proximity would do just fine! Lol. I am grateful for what I do have though, my cousins who were raised with me like sisters, and my close friends that I've grown up with from elementary school to adulthood, they r my sisters.... but I do often wonder and imagine the real thing. I can't wait to give that gift to my kids, they will have each other.... always. (Smile)
I'm currently at the hair salon....ahhhh!! A sigh of relief! Why is the
hair salon like the best experience ever, I feel so relaxed having
someone else having to maintain my hair!!! Its such a hassle and a lot
of work to keep my hair up. Its just a small slice of heaven! It takes a
long time at the salon most of the time....hours! But when u really need
it its so worth it! I don't have a lot of money but I try to make
provisions in my budget for my biweekly salon trips.
...I had to add my two cents to this one, also remember the more we renew our minds (daily!) with the Word (Romans 12:2-3)...The more Christ-minded we become, which means the less doubtful thoughts will come, the less thoughts that are contrary to the Word of God. Not to say that doubt won't come, or bad thoughts won't come...but if you are equipped with the Word of God, you will be able to nip those thoughts in the bud and cast them out! It is very simple...what you put in is what comes out...If you input God and the Word and the things of God...guess what is going to come out? Godly things... And of course the opposite is true as well... What you put in or take in (seeds planted) will come out or produce something (fruit). Whether its what you watch (movies, tv, videos etc), what you listen to (other people, music etc)
why would i continue to sip on soda, when my soul really desires water?!
the soda satisfies the thirst temporarily...but then after drinking the soda full of sugar and additives etc...it leaves u more thirsty than u were before....
so then u sip more soda...tryna satisfy the thirst...
but the same results, all the while u are gettin no nutrients and nothing ur body needs to survive or to live out of the soda...but the Water...satisfies the thrist, leaves u feeling full and satisfied, and provides ur body with life sustaining nutrients...everything that lives needs water to survive. so why then do i continue to reach for the soda instead of the Water?...thats the question. lol why do i choose to EXSIST on soda, when i can LIVE on Water????....and u wonder why i am so hard on myself...lol this is why b/c stuff like this comes out of me, which leaves me with no excuse not to do what i know i need to etc...just like u are always thinking about work or and new ideas etc are always coming to ur mind 24/7 etc....it is the exact thing with me, except, it is the Word that is always on my mind and is always popping up
One Flaw In Women
By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a brokenheart -and she will do everything with only two hands." The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish." But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my ownheart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days." The angel moved closer and touched the woman "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish." "Will she be able to think?", asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate." The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride." The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing." And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.
IM convo between my beloved cousin and my ex from college 10/08/05
Ex: wow....
Ex: u know I was thinking the other day that I shouldnt have let destined2bd1 go.....i didnt know how good i had it....thats why i had that dream 'cause i was thinking about it
Cousin: yeah that's usually how it goes
Ex: crazy huh
Cousin: yep
Ex: after all these years
Cousin: well I could've told you that a long time ago, but I don't like to get into other people's business
Ex: i guess that why u live and learn
Cousin: yep
Cousin: life is one big lesson that never ends
Ex: yup
Ex: just wished I could have aced that one
Ex: lol
Cousin: lol
TO MY TWO NIECE'S
1/10/06
Destined2bd1 and BDM. I remember the day(s) that each of you was born and to see the both of you now only brings joy to my heart. You two have grown into nice young women that I am proud to tell anyone that you are my nieces. We have been through a lot in this life time some heartache and pain, but through God's grace and mercy we are still enjoying life and that in itself is a blessing.
Destined2bd1 you are the first one to receive a college degree in our family, and BDM will receive her degree in 2006. I wanted to take the time to tell you both how much I appreciate everything you all do for your little cousin KB, I know at times it is difficult dealing with her (because I do it everyday). She looks up to you two and she now wants to attend Hampton University, there was a time when all she talked about was being a singer, I figured she was only seven at the time and she would change her mind, and she did thanks to you two. I appreciate you two taking her to the movies, malls, amusement parks and helping her with her school work stressing to her how important it is to get a good education. I know I tell her how important education is but I'm just a Mom, KB thinks what do I know. Thanks for telling her of your experiences of getting a good old fashion whipping, something that she has not had the pleasure of receiving, because of the stories she has heard from you all (smile).
I love you two and I hope that you both continue to enjoy life and much success in whatever goals you have set for yourselves. Just trust in God and stay on the path that he has chosen for you. Please know that I am proud of both of you and I love you very much. (DK Washington, DC Chapter)
3/06/07
Destined2bd1,
You are more unbelievable than you know, and more together than you realize! It is very evident (which is beyond clear) what your heart desires. No one knows you better than yourself and your Lord. The goals and desire for order that you have set before engaging (no pun intended) in a life long committment are remarkable and sound; healthy even.
Being married almost 16 years (and having none of those things in place), I know and have lived that love doesn't pay the bills (lol), if it did I'd be a millionaire (smile). But what I do know......
To have the desire to be a Wife-worshiper, intecessor, one who stands faithful, and an evangelist of your home, is beyond a normal and noble desire. It is a righteous one! I believe that you are ready to add back to someone's life, to standby lift up and support, to contribute what you feel is good and wholesome; I believe you are also ready to be loved, supported and have the security that comes from knowing that you belong and have a place in a life that you love and adore, and that the Lord has ordained. You deserve all that comes along with being 'exalted' the hebrew word for marriage means EXALTED!!!! Glory to God! How awesome is that.
The original meaning is that the suitor (betrothed -promised) agreed and was ready to exalt his bride to be. The inheritance of a woman who becomes a wife is that she is exalted. Hence the comparison, that a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Not only did Christ die for the church, but he exalted her as well!
What marriage is and the maturity of it comes as the relationship grows. With all the preparation that goes into it, the foundation of marriage must be strong enough to weather the known, and survive the unknown. When there is clarity and certainty then you are saying I am sure that come what may this is the one that I want weather life (not just the storm) with. The opposite of that is knowing that there are certain experiences that you know will be more enjoyable if you experience them with that someone than if you didn't.
The best thing is to be so hid in Christ that someone would have to go through Him to find you, bring you out and usher you to the place that your Father has ordained!
I love you and continue to pray heavens best for you. You are deserving of all that you heart longs for.
Pastor Davis
(sometimes i blow my own mind!)
6/16/06
Destined2bd1 says:
Man, I swear I am going to walk the walk and not just talk it some day, I am going to get this thing right, that is for sure, be it the only thing I ever accomplish in my life, I will.
Destined2bd1 says:
I'm not tryna be perfect.....I am trying to be obedient, its not about perfection, Christians got it twisted, we try to put our own idea of things into God's mind or way of thinking, perfect to us, means never making a mistake, without a flaw, can do no wrong. When it may not mean that to God. Think about it, maybe the perfect that He is talking about is obedience, doing everything He tells us to..
Destined2bd1 says:
do and when He tells us to do it.
2/16/07
A wise teacher once taught about yokes and what they represent. I always thought a yoke represented bondage, not necessarily. A yoke is actually an instrument of training, conditioning and learning. To be in bondage means to be held or locked into without will. I began to learn that a yoke has a purpose (not always negative), depending on whom or what we are yoked to.
A yoke automatically speaks to two positions never equal, but one of a master and one of a student, one of a teacher and one of a learner, one of a leader and one of a follower. It speaks to two individual parts joining together, one to loose and learn and the other to maintain and lead. See often with oxen a younger ox is yoked (for learning of the field, and how to plow) to an older ox. The purpose is for the younger ox to loose his immaturity and lack of direction and learn from an old pro. In scripture we are told by Christ to "take my yoke upon you and LEARN of me. In order for a yoke to be placed there must some common ground, whether it be in thought, memory, feelings, or emotions, interest or conversations. Eventually one will take the place of being subservient (not sure of spelling), a surrender is eminent. When the Bible tells us not be be unequally yoked with unbelievers we often think of the unbelievers in the world yet the scripture is written to the believers- we began to learn that the unbeliever is the believer within the house or body of Christ (common ground point of connection). Why am I saying all this is there an underlying message - no. I am not calling anyone an unbeliever, but the Lord never leaves us without a remedy. As our Bible Study began to conclude the Holy Spirit blessed us with the knowledge of the testing ground, for the word says to test everyspirit by the spirit to see if it is of God or not.
In all of our relationships and connections we need to take them to the testing ground, where their is absolutes and no questions. The testing ground is the spirit, but inorder of it to be effective, I must know that I am going to be tested there as well. The question in all of our relationships as believers is if the beliver is spiritual or an unbelieving believer. Am I a spiritual believer or an unbelieving believer.
I can't tell you what to do (nor do you want me too:), but for certain the spirit is the testing ground that test me and you and truthfully gives me the direction that I ought to head in. I admonish you to try all things by the spirit even yourself, take it all to the testing ground and whatever is revealed, as you seek to please the Lord, keep that in the forefront of all you do, seeking and finding out what it will take to please ( to bring enjoyment and keep strong fulfillment of a need or want to the Lord) and you can't and won't go wrong.
There is so much life abundant life ahead of you to live in peace, assurity and good health, I want it all for you.
I love you dearly, and the living,life and love that the Lord has for you isn't afar off nor is it impossible. Stay the course of righteousness and you will prevail and obtain. I am proud of you for all of your accomplishments and where you are from where you have been. You are an inspiration, find you place in ministry and began to flourish in it as you advance the vision. If it doesn't exist create it, implement it, pioneer and get it started.
Loving you always,
Pastor Davis
9/24/06
I do believe that we can sometimes be addicted to love, or to the person we love, u know that feeling like u can't live without them, the way we crave their love and affection and attention and that high we feel when we get those things or are with them...and when we know they may not be the best thing for us right now, and we know our situation needs work, but how hard it is, and how impossible it seems to put our foot down and make the decisions that we need to make for our own good.... how we muster up the strength to let go, and at the last second panic, bc we feel like we cannot make it without them...I was once (more than once) an addict, addicted to love.
IF A MAN WANTS YOU
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deservethen heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probablyis.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourselfa year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you anydifferently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he hasmore education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-waystreet.
You need time to heal between relationships..........there is nothing cuteabout baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consistsof two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...notsupplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and youralways readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINKher choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciatethem, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
This is my disclaimer.... Yes I am a Christian, a real one, not one of these "carry around the label but not live the lifestyle" ones. Christ is my life, my lifesource, i am constantly learning, and growing. I am not perfect, however, i make no excuses for my sins, choices, or mistakes, i take responsibility for them. I do not subscribe to the excuse of being "human" to justify or excuse any of my actions or behaviors. my humanity is not an excuse or a liscense to sin. I am not a "super christian" yes i do have power and authority given to me through Christ Jesus, but i also go through everyday life with the same problems and issues as you or the next person, i still have bills to pay, a sketchy love life, long hours at work, etc.... So hopefully, this blog of mine will provide some insight on what i go through in this Walk of mine. Hopefully you will have the heart and sense not to judge me for being completely honest with you, myself, and Him. I have nothing to hide, so in this blog i want to be as open and honest as possible.
There is so much I want to write and talk about, I can't wait to see my thoughts manifested on this screen in writing. Hopefully I am able to maintain this blogging thing and keep up with it, i tend to lose interest after a while, but hey, I'm here now, giving it a try...
9/19/07
I put my glasses back on... my vision for my life is getting clearer and
clearer, I know exactly what I want, I know what and who is important to
me, and for the sake of these things I will not settle or take down, bc
every time I do I end up compromising who I am...
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