Heroes and Villians....

"It's not their abilities that make them heroes, its the choices they make;
because in every hero, their could be a villian. Choose a side."

So one of my new favorite television shows is Heroes, on NBC. This show is a lot like X-men, their are these normal people who lead normal lives, until they discover that they have a special ability or power, the first two seasons were about these Heroes finding out about their ability and learning to control or use it all while staying safe and under radar; in the end they band together and save New York City. The third season of Heroes, which premiers Sept. 22, 2008 on NBC is all about the villians!!

This show reminds me a lot of life....no, I am no hero! lol, but I mean in everyday life we discover that we have an ability or a talent that is some how useful or benefical to help others, not just for our own selves or personal use. And in life we must make choices, sometimes based on our abilities and other times not so much, but either way we come to these crossroads where we must examine ourselves and decide whether or not we are going to be a hero in this life....or a villian....

Lollipop...STOP!

As catchy as they may be....

If I hear another song about a dang on lollipop, laffy taffy, juicy fruit, bubblicious, snickers, mr. goodbar etc, I am going to scream! LOL Man....people turn everything into something sexual, I can't even look at a BlowPop the same.... I should not have to feel embarassed or like I am commiting an indecent crime for eating an icecream cone in public...lol

Raising other peoples kids...

I'd like to thank those, who have over the years and generations, so selflessly decided to MAN-UP on someone else's behalf (in a lot of cases not all) to take care of and raise children who are not your own. I too was raised by grandparents, aunts, etc. all at one point in time, as well as my parents.

A couple of months ago I was out with a close friend, who I ran into at the grocery store. She and I walked the aisles and talked, catching up on the latest happenings in our lives since we last spoke. I could tell something was wrong, she looked so stressed out and tired, just beat down. I asked what was going on with her and she just gave me this desperate look, "J I don't know what to do, I'm so tired! I'm tired of trying to be everything for everybody, I am doing fine taking care of my child but I cannot afford to take care of someone else kids too, but at the same time that's my family what else can I do?"

My friend who is barely 21-22 years old herself, with a 2year old son, is now charged with the responsibility of raising her teenage sibling on her own. Its tough to see, and I can imagine even tougher to do.

However, it seems like there is a growing trend now, with parents who had children when they were really young, now deciding that they want to go back in time and recapture the childhood that they missed out on or lost. Not saying that this is the case with my friends' parents. I see this situation a lot with some of the children I work with, these kids are basically raising themselves or being raised by family members while the parents choose men/women, drugs, their career, friends and partying etc over their kids....and in turn the kids act out and end up here with me, in juvenile detention. Like i said this is not always the case, this just happens to be on my mind today.

My heart just goes out to my friend and I pray the best for her. She is very responsible and courageous for taking on the challenge she has taken on. And honestly, I can't blame or fault her, b/c I would do the same thing in a minute probably. I'm glad someone stepped in and did it for me!

Being Broke Ain't No Joke....

Being broke sucks!!!!!! It's tough all around right now I hear. Everybodies pocketbook is in a recession, including mine. How is it that my check is spent before I even get it! And I don't even have the luxury to say that it was spent or allocated to anything fun and/or frivolous, just bills alone ate it up. I have to rob Peter to pay Paul... and it turns into an endless cycle of trying to play catch up. Its like on the cartoons where one leak springs up so you try to go plug it up, then as you plug it up another leak springs up across the room, and u try to plug that one up without unplugging the first one, then a third springs up and next thing you know you are spread out and stretched thin trying to plug up all these leaky holes in your life!

Real talk though.... Is it just me, but sometimes I feel as though I'm being punished for doing well. I feel like I'm being punished for getting a college education, because now after the undergrad degree is complete, i will be in debt for the next 10+ years of my life trying to pay for my education. Then as a single young adult, living in a major metropolitan area, where everything is way too expensive and the cost of living is high, its nearly impossible to find or afford good housing at a decent rate as a single! I feel like I'm being punished for not being a baby momma with a bunch of kids on my hip, (no offense) because I know a lot of baby mommas, and for the most part they seem to be doing pretty well (compared to me!) I tried to inquire about low income housing, just out of curiosity, i wanted to know what the requirements were. And clearly i was told that i was overqualified, because i made too much money and didn't have any kids. Only in America!!!

I'm overqualified for low income and under qualified to survive..... Can't win for losing it seems....

They say "its hard out here for a pimp..." Well, its even harder for a college educated, single, hard working woman....Maybe I should look into a career change? LOL just kidding.

Why do we take them back?

Why do we take them back?
Why do we cut them so much slack?
We talk all that smack, make them pack...
Only just to take them back.
We overlook the way they act, all reason, and obvious facts...
Taking them back...and back...and back.
Is it because of the esteem and confidence we lack?
We are worth more--didn't anyone ever teach us that?
Maybe if we believed it we wouldn't feel as though we needed them back.
Even when we don't want them back...
They find their way back...
Because we let them back...
So instead of moving forward, we're moving back.
Until this endless circle to us becomes whack...and something within us finally cracks...
Hopefully we'll come to our senses before our lives end and we fade to black.

Frustrated blogger....

Grrrhhh!! (that is my frustrated grunt/grumble) So, I am...well used to be a great writer, one of my very few above average skills... but I'm afraid that since I have been out of college, my skills in just about every academic field have been diminishing! I started blogging as therapy and to get myself back in to the groove of writing...but so far....no groove. It is extremely frustrating, I wouldn't call it writers block, its just I don't really know what to write about? For instance I have a college buddy who writes an excellent and entertaining blog about fatherhood and family (check him out http://papitosway.blogspot.com); other friends and associates who write about culture, beauty, entertainment, none of which I am an expert on. But me, well, I'm just me, I have no kids, or husband, not much excitement at work, at least not consistently. There are just me and my thoughts left. I have noticed that I am a bit scatterbrained. Meaning, that I think about so many things, randomly or loosely associated with the previous or next thing that its hard to focus or hone in on just one thing or group of things in particular. Therein lies my dilemma! I have talked myself out of giving up, I will keep at it and keep trying....Rome wasn't built in a day...(I think that's how the saying goes...whatever) I will practice and exercise what I know is in me until greatness is achieved! (That is an original quote thank you all very much!)

Get it together J

Okay, so lately I have been kinda sorta getting into trouble at work....well, not trouble, but I have had a few sit-downs with the "higher-ups" concerning my "attitude" and manner in which I speak to people....................... NO I am not an ABW (Angry Black Woman) and in my defense, the main "person" doing the complaining has a very rude and condescending way of dealing with his subordinates....most people around here don't have the balls, excuse my language to address the issue with this person and my aforementioned attitude is purely in response to and is a mere reflex stemming from this mans condescension. It started out as jokes. But all of a sudden he's in his feelings, I guess he's tired of looking like a punk in front of his managerial buddies and getting joked about it...whatever.

The other day he expresses his concerns and thinks that I am flipit? And that my tone needs to be rethought before I speak etc etc... and I objected to all of his accusations and became rather defensive during our conversation.......but after it was over, I realized he was kind of right!! I have noticed that I have been on edge lately. And I'm pretty sure I know why..... for those of you who know me personally or speak to me regularly, you know that I have been "clean and sober" for nearly 7 months now. No, I have never done drugs and I am not a recovering alcoholic. Nor am I recovering from an addiction.... its just everyone has their "vice" and when I say I'm clean and sober, I'm referring to my vice(s) that I have given up or am trying to for the betterment and advancement of myself spiritually, emotionally and all the other words ending in -lly!

Anyway, I think I am experiencing some "withdrawal" symptoms, irritability being the main one. Now that I have actually noticed and recognized this fact, I must control it and or eliminate it. I can live without this vice for sure and not be a bitter young woman in the process. I'm good! So I ended up apologizing to the manager at work admitting my faults etc and vowing to try harder to control my temper/tone/attitude etc. even if he does not, because ultimately no matter what is going on in my personal life and no matter how someone else is behaving towards me be it right or wrong, I am responsible for how I react and how I treat them in turn. If I call myself trying to live as or be a good Christian example etc then I need to act and behave accordingly even in my attitude and dealing with people....yes, even the rude and unruly ones!! Its hard y'all, hard controlling this 'tude and hard letting go of this vice and being "clean and sober" LOL (Lord, help me control my attitude, my tone, my facial expressions, my mouth, and in my "sobriety"!)
What I mean by "clean and sober" ...
Clean = characterized by a fresh, wholesome quality; morally pure; innocent; upright; honorable; inoffensive in language or content; without obscenity; unsullied, chaste, virtuous

Sober = free from excess; habitually temperate; showing self-control; sane or rational; abstinent; reasonable, sound; self-restraint; dignified; not wild, visionary, or heated with passion; exercising cool, dispassionate reason;