It was brought to my attention (by a very close friend, one whom I love dearly and whose opinion I carefully consider when they express something to me....the good and the bad...)although my blog is a great outlet for me and a great practice ground for my writing etc that perhaps I am sending the wrong message and doing more damage than good...
In a real heart to heart convo with this friend, we discussed the difficulties of being a Christian and trying to live right, messing up...or having messed up rather, along the way, and getting it right etc. and the question came up, at what extent is sharing what I go through, what I've done, what I've faced, just too much? In other words how REAL is too REAL (in the Christian or spiritual sense)??
They brought up the fact that while me putting myself in a vulnerable position to be sharing these things with the world is a great help and encouragement for others who face the same challenges....what about those who are new in their faith or who are skeptical of FAITH, particularly the CHRISTIAN faith all together?? What message am I sending to them? How does it look that someone calling themselves a "youth pastor" minister or what have you, is blogging about the sin that she has committed, isn't this hypocritical? Counter productive? Does it feed into the already negative and skeptical stereotypes and ideas about so called "preachers and Christians"? Does it send the message that its okay to talk the talk and not walk the walk....that doing your dirt (whatever it may be) is justified b/c God is forgiving and loving, so its okay, i can do what i want and he will forgive me? Does it take away from my credibility and witness as a Woman of God?? If she can't even do right, how or why am i supposed to??
When I began this blog, I did consider these very valid points...and I felt that I was not sending any of those messages and that in being open and candid that I would be helping and not hurting...but now, I'm not so sure.... I greatly appreciate the dialogue between this friend and I, it was a very valid discussion and needed to be had. So, here I am at the point where I'm reconsidering how much is too much....where do I draw the line....should there be a line??
I'm really torn inside because Lord knows, I do not want to confuse anyone, I do not want to discredit Christ, my faith, myself, etc. I do not want to do any harm in any way. And if there is a chance that by me being open and honest that the effects will be negative, then by all means, I will stop, because its not about me anyway. BUT at the same time, this is my outlet, writing is how I express myself, I want and desire to be honest, to be real, to talk about and say what others won't about what I go through and what all walking this walk and being a "person of the cloth" really entails. This is my life, my real life, my journey, no, i cannot sit here and say, I have done everything right, that I haven't made some dumb choices, that I haven't been stubborn or disobedient...HOWEVER, I can most definitely say, that I am getting better every day, getting wiser everyday, becoming more obedient everyday, learning to turn away from the things that tempt me and are not pleasing to God everyday...I'm growing in His will...I am not justifying my sin or yours...It is NOT okay to live how you want and do what you want and expect God to be okay with that or to think you have a free pass because you are a Christian, most certainly not. I do NOT condone a lifestyle of sin or recklessness. But I am 100% for turning things around, no one has to continue on living they way they been living, if you were sinning as a lifestyle, make a choice, you don't have to. If you're life is full of foolishness and you are the cause or at the center of it, cut it out, the choice is yours...This is MY personal journey of how I am currently doing all of that, of me, making some changes and adjustments...some better CHOICES spiritually for the sake of myself and more importantly, those around me, those I will touch and affect, those connected to me spiritually, those looking up to me, looking at me, watching me, depending on me to guide them and encourage them, and even those waiting for me to fall and who enjoy to see me mess up....I'm making better choices in my own life even for them! It can be done....and it will as long as I have the power to choose....
I don't know...what do you all think, am I wrong, how much is too much?
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