You are my Peace- J. Bynum

Lord, I thank you and I praise your name, I thank you for being the Prince of Peace in my life, I thank you for your peace that transcends (surpasses) all understanding. I thank you for how your peace stands guard over my heart and mind. I thank you for leaving your peace with me in the midst of trouble, I thank you that you are not like man, and do not give as the world gives, your peace is true, real, and lasting, not temporary like any piece of peace this world has to offer...Thank you Lord, you alone are worthy of the glory, honor, and praise... thank you, amen.

You are my Peace -Juanita Bynum

Morning prayer

Good morning Lord. Thank you so very much for another day, another morning, another opportunity to get it right with you, another chance to impact someones life, another go at destiny and fulfilling purpose, to give ur name glory and praise. Lord have your way in me today, move by your Spirit, led me and guide me, in my words, my thoughts, my attitudes, my feelings, my actions, everything, help me to display You today. Let me be a productive christian today. I pray peace in my mind and heart, I pray strength and energy, I pray wisdom and knowledge, I pray truth and sincerity, I pray favor, grace, mercy, safety, wellbeing health.... and to cover all of these love, not the love of man, but your love Lord, I ask for your forgiveness, I'm sorry for any sin I have committed against you, I'm sorry for allowing myself to become so distracted so easily, and to lose focus on what is really important....you! Help me to not focus on my situation so much, give me peace in the midst of this circumstance, help me to realize and remember I will be and am okay whether things work out or not, I'm yours and will always and forever be yours, even if no one elses, yours... in Christ Jesus name I pray....amen!

The siblings I never had

Being an only child....only adult whatever, sucked growing up and is still sucking to this day! Do you realize I will never be an aunt?? Or that if/when my parents die, I'm left with no one?! That's incredibly
sad and lonely! Maybe my only childness is the root of a lot of my issues.... I watch people in my life (friends family members etc) interact with their siblings and I am so fascinated by this world/part of life I will never know, it makes me wonder how does it feel to be a sister? To have a brother? To share your childhood and ur genes and ur parents with someone who came from the same womb as u? Crazy....I'm so interested. I wish still to this day although I am a rational young lady, with full mental capacity, still wish I had a twin or just a sibling in close enough age proximity would do just fine! Lol. I am grateful for what I do have though, my cousins who were raised with me like sisters, and my close friends that I've grown up with from elementary school to adulthood, they r my sisters.... but I do often wonder and imagine the real thing. I can't wait to give that gift to my kids, they will have each other.... always. (Smile)

Hair salon therapy!

I'm currently at the hair salon....ahhhh!! A sigh of relief! Why is the
hair salon like the best experience ever, I feel so relaxed having
someone else having to maintain my hair!!! Its such a hassle and a lot
of work to keep my hair up. Its just a small slice of heaven! It takes a
long time at the salon most of the time....hours! But when u really need
it its so worth it! I don't have a lot of money but I try to make
provisions in my budget for my biweekly salon trips.

Renewing our minds

...I had to add my two cents to this one, also remember the more we renew our minds (daily!) with the Word (Romans 12:2-3)...The more Christ-minded we become, which means the less doubtful thoughts will come, the less thoughts that are contrary to the Word of God. Not to say that doubt won't come, or bad thoughts won't come...but if you are equipped with the Word of God, you will be able to nip those thoughts in the bud and cast them out! It is very simple...what you put in is what comes out...If you input God and the Word and the things of God...guess what is going to come out? Godly things... And of course the opposite is true as well... What you put in or take in (seeds planted) will come out or produce something (fruit). Whether its what you watch (movies, tv, videos etc), what you listen to (other people, music etc)

Soda or Water?

why would i continue to sip on soda, when my soul really desires water?!
the soda satisfies the thirst temporarily...but then after drinking the soda full of sugar and additives etc...it leaves u more thirsty than u were before....
so then u sip more soda...tryna satisfy the thirst...
but the same results, all the while u are gettin no nutrients and nothing ur body needs to survive or to live out of the soda...but the Water...satisfies the thrist, leaves u feeling full and satisfied, and provides ur body with life sustaining nutrients...everything that lives needs water to survive. so why then do i continue to reach for the soda instead of the Water?...thats the question. lol why do i choose to EXSIST on soda, when i can LIVE on Water????....and u wonder why i am so hard on myself...lol this is why b/c stuff like this comes out of me, which leaves me with no excuse not to do what i know i need to etc...just like u are always thinking about work or and new ideas etc are always coming to ur mind 24/7 etc....it is the exact thing with me, except, it is the Word that is always on my mind and is always popping up

One flaw in women email fwd

One Flaw In Women
By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a brokenheart -and she will do everything with only two hands." The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish." But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my ownheart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days." The angel moved closer and touched the woman "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish." "Will she be able to think?", asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate." The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride." The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing." And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give. HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Cousin and Ex

IM convo between my beloved cousin and my ex from college 10/08/05
Ex: wow....
Ex: u know I was thinking the other day that I shouldnt have let destined2bd1 go.....i didnt know how good i had it....thats why i had that dream 'cause i was thinking about it
Cousin: yeah that's usually how it goes
Ex: crazy huh
Cousin: yep
Ex: after all these years
Cousin: well I could've told you that a long time ago, but I don't like to get into other people's business
Ex: i guess that why u live and learn
Cousin: yep
Cousin: life is one big lesson that never ends
Ex: yup
Ex: just wished I could have aced that one
Ex: lol
Cousin: lol

A Letter from my aunt

TO MY TWO NIECE'S
1/10/06

Destined2bd1 and BDM. I remember the day(s) that each of you was born and to see the both of you now only brings joy to my heart. You two have grown into nice young women that I am proud to tell anyone that you are my nieces. We have been through a lot in this life time some heartache and pain, but through God's grace and mercy we are still enjoying life and that in itself is a blessing.

Destined2bd1 you are the first one to receive a college degree in our family, and BDM will receive her degree in 2006. I wanted to take the time to tell you both how much I appreciate everything you all do for your little cousin KB, I know at times it is difficult dealing with her (because I do it everyday). She looks up to you two and she now wants to attend Hampton University, there was a time when all she talked about was being a singer, I figured she was only seven at the time and she would change her mind, and she did thanks to you two. I appreciate you two taking her to the movies, malls, amusement parks and helping her with her school work stressing to her how important it is to get a good education. I know I tell her how important education is but I'm just a Mom, KB thinks what do I know. Thanks for telling her of your experiences of getting a good old fashion whipping, something that she has not had the pleasure of receiving, because of the stories she has heard from you all (smile).

I love you two and I hope that you both continue to enjoy life and much success in whatever goals you have set for yourselves. Just trust in God and stay on the path that he has chosen for you. Please know that I am proud of both of you and I love you very much. (DK Washington, DC Chapter)

Another email from my mentor

3/06/07
Destined2bd1,

You are more unbelievable than you know, and more together than you realize! It is very evident (which is beyond clear) what your heart desires. No one knows you better than yourself and your Lord. The goals and desire for order that you have set before engaging (no pun intended) in a life long committment are remarkable and sound; healthy even.

Being married almost 16 years (and having none of those things in place), I know and have lived that love doesn't pay the bills (lol), if it did I'd be a millionaire (smile). But what I do know......

To have the desire to be a Wife-worshiper, intecessor, one who stands faithful, and an evangelist of your home, is beyond a normal and noble desire. It is a righteous one! I believe that you are ready to add back to someone's life, to standby lift up and support, to contribute what you feel is good and wholesome; I believe you are also ready to be loved, supported and have the security that comes from knowing that you belong and have a place in a life that you love and adore, and that the Lord has ordained. You deserve all that comes along with being 'exalted' the hebrew word for marriage means EXALTED!!!! Glory to God! How awesome is that.

The original meaning is that the suitor (betrothed -promised) agreed and was ready to exalt his bride to be. The inheritance of a woman who becomes a wife is that she is exalted. Hence the comparison, that a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Not only did Christ die for the church, but he exalted her as well!

What marriage is and the maturity of it comes as the relationship grows. With all the preparation that goes into it, the foundation of marriage must be strong enough to weather the known, and survive the unknown. When there is clarity and certainty then you are saying I am sure that come what may this is the one that I want weather life (not just the storm) with. The opposite of that is knowing that there are certain experiences that you know will be more enjoyable if you experience them with that someone than if you didn't.

The best thing is to be so hid in Christ that someone would have to go through Him to find you, bring you out and usher you to the place that your Father has ordained!

I love you and continue to pray heavens best for you. You are deserving of all that you heart longs for.

Pastor Davis

Portions of an IM convo

(sometimes i blow my own mind!)
6/16/06
Destined2bd1 says:
Man, I swear I am going to walk the walk and not just talk it some day, I am going to get this thing right, that is for sure, be it the only thing I ever accomplish in my life, I will.

Destined2bd1 says:
I'm not tryna be perfect.....I am trying to be obedient, its not about perfection, Christians got it twisted, we try to put our own idea of things into God's mind or way of thinking, perfect to us, means never making a mistake, without a flaw, can do no wrong. When it may not mean that to God. Think about it, maybe the perfect that He is talking about is obedience, doing everything He tells us to..

Destined2bd1 says:
do and when He tells us to do it.

An email from my mentor

2/16/07
A wise teacher once taught about yokes and what they represent. I always thought a yoke represented bondage, not necessarily. A yoke is actually an instrument of training, conditioning and learning. To be in bondage means to be held or locked into without will. I began to learn that a yoke has a purpose (not always negative), depending on whom or what we are yoked to.

A yoke automatically speaks to two positions never equal, but one of a master and one of a student, one of a teacher and one of a learner, one of a leader and one of a follower. It speaks to two individual parts joining together, one to loose and learn and the other to maintain and lead. See often with oxen a younger ox is yoked (for learning of the field, and how to plow) to an older ox. The purpose is for the younger ox to loose his immaturity and lack of direction and learn from an old pro. In scripture we are told by Christ to "take my yoke upon you and LEARN of me. In order for a yoke to be placed there must some common ground, whether it be in thought, memory, feelings, or emotions, interest or conversations. Eventually one will take the place of being subservient (not sure of spelling), a surrender is eminent. When the Bible tells us not be be unequally yoked with unbelievers we often think of the unbelievers in the world yet the scripture is written to the believers- we began to learn that the unbeliever is the believer within the house or body of Christ (common ground point of connection). Why am I saying all this is there an underlying message - no. I am not calling anyone an unbeliever, but the Lord never leaves us without a remedy. As our Bible Study began to conclude the Holy Spirit blessed us with the knowledge of the testing ground, for the word says to test everyspirit by the spirit to see if it is of God or not.

In all of our relationships and connections we need to take them to the testing ground, where their is absolutes and no questions. The testing ground is the spirit, but inorder of it to be effective, I must know that I am going to be tested there as well. The question in all of our relationships as believers is if the beliver is spiritual or an unbelieving believer. Am I a spiritual believer or an unbelieving believer.

I can't tell you what to do (nor do you want me too:), but for certain the spirit is the testing ground that test me and you and truthfully gives me the direction that I ought to head in. I admonish you to try all things by the spirit even yourself, take it all to the testing ground and whatever is revealed, as you seek to please the Lord, keep that in the forefront of all you do, seeking and finding out what it will take to please ( to bring enjoyment and keep strong fulfillment of a need or want to the Lord) and you can't and won't go wrong.

There is so much life abundant life ahead of you to live in peace, assurity and good health, I want it all for you.

I love you dearly, and the living,life and love that the Lord has for you isn't afar off nor is it impossible. Stay the course of righteousness and you will prevail and obtain. I am proud of you for all of your accomplishments and where you are from where you have been. You are an inspiration, find you place in ministry and began to flourish in it as you advance the vision. If it doesn't exist create it, implement it, pioneer and get it started.

Loving you always,

Pastor Davis

Can one be addicted to love?

9/24/06
I do believe that we can sometimes be addicted to love, or to the person we love, u know that feeling like u can't live without them, the way we crave their love and affection and attention and that high we feel when we get those things or are with them...and when we know they may not be the best thing for us right now, and we know our situation needs work, but how hard it is, and how impossible it seems to put our foot down and make the decisions that we need to make for our own good.... how we muster up the strength to let go, and at the last second panic, bc we feel like we cannot make it without them...I was once (more than once) an addict, addicted to love.

An email forward from my mom

IF A MAN WANTS YOU
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deservethen heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probablyis.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourselfa year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you anydifferently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he hasmore education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-waystreet.
You need time to heal between relationships..........there is nothing cuteabout baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consistsof two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...notsupplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and youralways readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINKher choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciatethem, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Disclaimer....

This is my disclaimer.... Yes I am a Christian, a real one, not one of these "carry around the label but not live the lifestyle" ones. Christ is my life, my lifesource, i am constantly learning, and growing. I am not perfect, however, i make no excuses for my sins, choices, or mistakes, i take responsibility for them. I do not subscribe to the excuse of being "human" to justify or excuse any of my actions or behaviors. my humanity is not an excuse or a liscense to sin. I am not a "super christian" yes i do have power and authority given to me through Christ Jesus, but i also go through everyday life with the same problems and issues as you or the next person, i still have bills to pay, a sketchy love life, long hours at work, etc.... So hopefully, this blog of mine will provide some insight on what i go through in this Walk of mine. Hopefully you will have the heart and sense not to judge me for being completely honest with you, myself, and Him. I have nothing to hide, so in this blog i want to be as open and honest as possible.

Random blurb

There is so much I want to write and talk about, I can't wait to see my thoughts manifested on this screen in writing. Hopefully I am able to maintain this blogging thing and keep up with it, i tend to lose interest after a while, but hey, I'm here now, giving it a try...

Hide me...

Lord hide me under the shadow of your wings, I want to dwell at your
feet, so close to you, so near you, in your presence, amongst the
angels, where I am bare and broken before you, where nothing about me or
in me is hidden from you, hide me from myself, from every thought and
every notion within me that is contrary to you, Lord I only desire to
please you, to be with you, to never ever be seperated from you. I love
you

Missing you...

July 12, 2006 1:35pm
Well, I really don't know where to begin... I mean I guess I should start by letting you know how sorry I am, I know its been a long time since we've sat down, face to face and shared some "real-talk", I know I haven't spent the quality time with you that we used to share, and all the things that made our relationship so real, so full, so interesting, so fun, so intimate. I mean, we share such a real connection, you are my best friend, my love, my world. I'm sorry that I have been neglecting you, taking you and your love for granted... you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I mean I've known a lot of people, I've caught the interest/eye of a lot of men, but no matter how hard I tried, I could never manage to establish that fulfilling connection with any of them, you came along and were so different, so different than the rest, I caught more than your eye, more than your interest, more than your curiosity, I caught your heart. It was like you'd known me all my life.
It wasn't until you came along that I really discovered the love that I'd been searching for, you are so affectionate, so accepting, so gentle, yet so strong. And it seemed like no matter how much we disagreed, or how much I'd protest, and test the limits of your love, to see if it was really true, if you really loved me as much as you said you did, would you really be there like you said you would....you know, they all said those things too...I'm sorry for not trusting in you.
I wanted you to know, that I miss you so much. My heart aches for you, every since I walked out on you, I have had this nagging feeling, this void, like something, some part of me was missing, I knew all along it was you, I tried to ignore it, I tried to forget your voice, I tried to erase all my memories of you and the time we spent together, the fun we had. Every where I went and everything I did and saw reminded me of you. I tried to replace you with other things and people, to keep myself busy so I wouldn't think of you. But every day I think of you, every night I lie awake thinking about the conversations we had, you taught me so much, you inspired me, you encouraged me, you listened to me, you laughed at my corny jokes.
You understood me, in a way that no one, absolutely no one has. And even during times when I was at a loss for words, I didn't have to speak, it was like you knew my thoughts, how could I have walked away from someone who understood my silence... I think of the nights I lay in your arms, you caught my tears, my many many secret tears, I can remember feeling so secure there, feeling so safe, so loved, it was like your embrace erased my fears.
Lord, I know I've made horrible mistakes, I walked away from you, turned my back on you, I was unfaithful to you...I should have put you first. I should have trusted you, I should have given you all of me, instead I held back, I should have let go of my past, but yet there were some things I held on to that affected our relationship. My point is, I miss you....
Jesus, I miss you, I was a fool to have left your side, but one of the things I love about you is that no matter how much I mess up or how big of a mess I make of my life, you still love me....you even forgive me?! This time I thought I had gone too far, I had done too much, If others only knew the extent of my sin against you, they would never have forgiven me, I'm glad they're not you, If they knew about those thoughts, those actions, those things....they would not still love me or desire to be with me or around me...I am so glad they are not you! I love you Lord and I miss you in my life, I miss talking to you, and being with you, but most of all I miss pleasing you. You are my life and I honestly, truly, want to reflect you in all that I am, all that i say, and all that i do. I am nothing with out you.
I don't mean to trouble you Jesus, I just miss you, and I thought that you should know... Your daughter, friend, disciple

Tangle Toes with u...

July 17, 2006 11:51pm
I want to lay under the moon and tangle toes with u, something like how lovers do, when its just us two, and the dark and still of night is just so soothing...its not about bodies moving, or hands perusing, its about love in slow motion, just us cruising, taking it slow, taking time to get to know, one another, before taking it further, before commiting spiritual murder... not ready to cross that border, but in order for us to make this work, so that we don't end up hurt, we must allow the Lord to do His work, in us, on us, to us, through us, so lust won't destroy what we are working so hard for, so that the veil may not have been torn for no reason, so that we can share and explore each others fruit in due season, knowing as we're glowing, that He was the reason. And that our union would be blessed in that we didn't make a mess and we settled for nothing less than the Lord's glory, His crown, His best... So that we may confess that yes at times it was diffuclt and there was stress, but through Him we passed the test and now we can say that there is a way to make love work without doing dirt, by putting Christ first and helping others learn, and although your flesh may yearn, just hold on, soon it'll be your turn.

Focused

9/19/07
I put my glasses back on... my vision for my life is getting clearer and
clearer, I know exactly what I want, I know what and who is important to
me, and for the sake of these things I will not settle or take down, bc
every time I do I end up compromising who I am...